


Sin Shake Sin

by Inky_Blackheart



Category: God's Not Dead (Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, Dirty Talk, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Gay Sex, Heavy Petting, Humor, I'm Going to Hell, Loss of Virginity, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Penetrative Sex, Not beta'd we die like men, Older Man/Younger Man, Oral Sex, Pining, Ratman hates his life, Religion, Religious Conflict, Religious Guilt, Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, Surprisingly Fluffy, Teacher-Student Relationship, Tone switch in second chapter, What Have I Done, depends on what you count as virginity, no regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2020-04-07 17:47:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19090006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inky_Blackheart/pseuds/Inky_Blackheart
Summary: Josh feels guilty about embarrassing Radisson in front of the class and goes to comfort him. It has nothing to do with his barely repressed lust for his professor, not at all.  But with the tension between them finally resolved, only their desires remain.I regret nothing and I have no shame.





	1. It's too early for surrender, Too late for a prayer

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Don't pay heed to temptation (for his hands are so cold)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15407559) by [trash_fic_witch (makeup_goblin)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/makeup_goblin/pseuds/trash_fic_witch). 



> I noticed that there was only one other fic which had these two characters do what we all saw coming tbh, by trash_fic_witch (makeup_goblin) and I didn't want them to be alone in this sin pile so behold my smut. It might be OOC but I wanted it to be happy sex, so sue me. We got some boundary setting and healthy love making up in this bitch. 
> 
> There's another fic on Fanfiction.net by Gazing Abyss too, if you want more (I think that brings the total up to 3?) but that one is disturbing for altogether different reasons than this one: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10766429/1/Teacher-s-Pet
> 
> The title is shamelessly taken from the band Sin Shake Sin, who sing this fantastic song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2ct_Gkq-HQ
> 
> ....I regret nothing.

Josh had heard that sex could be a religious experience. He read that intercourse between a husband and a wife was transcendent and made the couple closer to both God and each other. That was why you had to wait, Christian reasoning went. And so he had waited, seeking closeness to God in other ways, steadfastly refusing temptations of the flesh. Kara had come closest to making him give in, but if Josh was being honest, he could resist a woman. It was the desires in the deepest part of his heart, ones he kept between him and God, that he knew would ultimately be his undoing. Women were beautiful, but they were not his problem. But his desires weren’t very Christian, and he pretended he didn’t have them. And he pretended well.

Not well enough, if his current predicament was any indication.

Professor Radisson’s breath hitched as his hands found Josh’s belt, stilling over the buckle. Josh felt the wood of the desk dig into his backside as his professor pressed him against the site of their daily debates. Radisson’s shirt was unbuttoned and Josh’s was in disarray, pulled up over his pectorals. The professor had been content to caress Josh’s torso and cover his face and neck with hungry open-mouthed kisses, eager even, but now his hesitation was seeping through. Josh unconsciously keened into the touch but the pause gave him room to think. What was he _doing?_  How did he get here? Only an hour ago he wanted to offer his professor the love of God.

Josh had only wanted to comfort Radisson after the professor had disclosed his tragic past. He worried he had stepped over the line and genuinely felt bad. It would be the Christian thing to do to offer support and prayers, Josh thought as he entered Radisson’s classroom. Seeing his normally boisterous professor solemnly standing at the front of the classroom sent pain through Josh’s heart. Radisson lifted his head, silently staring at his student.

“I’m sorry,” Josh said, simply. His prepared speech about the love of God and forgiveness died in his throat. “I didn’t...I’m sorry for your loss.”

Radisson nodded. “Are you sorry for humiliating me? For making me reveal my deepest pain to a bunch of freshmen?” His words, though brutally honest, lacked their usual bite.

Josh moved to stand beside Radisson. He wasn’t sure if he should hug the other man, or put an arm on his shoulder, eventually settling for placing a hand on the small of Radisson’s back. He only knew he wanted to comfort this man, this strong man who he had been at odds with and whom he had accidentally humbled.  “I never wanted to hurt you, professor. I’m sorry that I did.”

Radisson lifted his head to look into Josh’s eyes. Josh, though uneasy, looked back. Radisson held his gaze for a long moment. “I know you really mean that.” Radisson shook his head, smiling bitterly. “I half expected you to gloat, but I’m guessing that’s beneath a good Christian like you.”

“It’s not that,” Josh said quietly, “it’s just not who I am.”

Josh had expected the tension between them to dissipate, now that he felt they had seen each other for who they really were. But there was still something crackling between them. Josh swallowed when Radisson backed away from his comforting touch, allowing the height difference between them to become even more pronounced. The look in Radisson’s eyes didn’t seem to be condescending but searching. But not for weakness. It was something else that Josh couldn’t quite name.

“You’d think a nice young man like yourself would have something better to do than comfort your grumpy atheist professor on a Friday night.” Radisson seemed to be drawing the words out, holding Josh in his gaze.

“Comforting a friend in need is a good way to spend a Friday,” Josh said. He found himself unconsciously stepping towards the older man. Radisson smiled softly.

“Friends, eh? That’s what we are?” Radisson stepped closer, closing the distance between them. “I could have sworn you hated me.”

“Do you hate me?” asked Josh, quietly.

“No,” Radisson shook his head. “I have the opposite problem, really. I thought you were too bright to blindly follow some old man in the sky, but you’re not blind. I like you, Josh. I like you too much.”

“I like you too,” Josh said, tilting his head up to look Radisson in the eyes. “I just wanted to share my peace with you.”

“There’s more than one way to do that,” Radisson leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Josh’s lips.

Josh should have pushed him away, he thought, coming back to the present moment. He should have fought back harder against his desires, but Josh knew something like this had been building since he first refused to sign away his beliefs. The tension between them, the clash of minds, all leading to something like sin.

“We can stop,” Radisson’s hands stilled, gently brushing the space just above Josh’s underwear. Radisson looked up into Josh’s eyes and Josh saw a hungry fire reflected in them. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this. I’m your professor.”

As hesitant as Josh was, he didn’t want to stop. “You were my obsession,” Josh admitted, “I wanted to prove myself to you. My thoughts were consumed by you.” He leaned forward, mouth resting over Radisson’s. He couldn’t pretend anymore. “And now we’re here, like this, seeing each other for the first time…” He paused, looking away shyly. “If you didn’t want me, after all this, I think I would cry.”

 Radisson chuckled. He grabbed Josh’s chin and tilted his head up, sealing Josh’s mouth with a searing kiss. “I see you, Josh Wheaton. And I want you.” Radisson leaned forward, brushing his growing erection against Josh’s. “Can’t you tell? I want you. Desperately.”

Josh moaned at the contact. He kissed Radisson passionately, grabbing his neck and rubbing circles in his hair. Radisson chuckled again. “I love that sound,” he whispered huskily, “I love how eager you are.”

The mention of sound made Josh pause. “What if someone hears us? What if they see us? I don’t want you to lose your job because I can’t control myself.”

“You aren’t the only one losing control,” Radisson whispered, kissing the skin right in front of Josh’s ear. “But you are right. If we do this here…”

“We risk being caught. I don’t want to hurt you again, Radisson.” Josh said, looking deep into his professor’s eyes, “Once was enough.”

Radisson nodded. He pursed his lips in thought. “You have roommates, right?” Josh nodded. “Okay, we’ll go to my place.”

“Huh?” Josh sputtered.

“I said we’re going to my house. My domicile.” Radisson raised an eyebrow. “For privacy.”

Josh nodded. “Yeah, that’s…” his nerves returned in full force. “Should we leave together? Or is that too suspicious?”

“Leaving the classroom together might be. You go first, meet me in front of the library,” Radisson said, moving away from Josh, grabbing his coat and digging for his keys, “and I’ll pick you up from there. It should be quiet around now.”

Josh nodded again, trying to figure out how he could get to the library with the tent in his pants. Radisson noticed his jitters and handed him a book. “Here, cover up with this.”

Josh turned to leave, walking to the door with Radisson following behind. He stopped before leaving, taking a deep breath. Radisson patted his butt. “Let’s move it along, Wheaton. The sooner you go, the sooner we can leave. What are you waiting for, a kiss goodnight?”

“Maybe,” Josh said shyly. Radisson rolled his eyes and kissed Josh on the forehead.

“You’re ridiculous, but I think I like it.” Radisson smiled. Josh couldn’t help but return the look, so filled with warmth and affection.

Josh blew Radisson a kiss and confidently strode off to the library. His nerves flooded him and his steps shook, but he didn’t want to turn back. He couldn’t. Even the nagging lessons of his church in his mind, cursing homosexuals and preaching fire and brimstone couldn’t calm the inferno in his blood. Sex was a sin unless done with someone you love, right?

That wasn’t his problem, he could admit, that wasn’t it at all.

#

Josh stood outside the library in the cold fall air. Fall would soon become winter, and winter meant the end of the semester. End of the semester meant...Josh didn’t want to think about that. He wanted to focus on the present, on waiting for Radisson to pull up. His hands shook so he stuffed them in his pockets. It was a rush. All the desires he tried to smother, all of the times he swore he wasn’t thinking sexually about a man, all of those little crimes had led to this moment. And he didn’t feel guilty, which bothered him a little. Maybe that meant this wasn’t the worst sin one could commit.

His thoughts were interrupted by a honk. Josh jumped up and ran down the steps, approaching Radisson’s car. It was older but well maintained, and Josh could hear the comforting purr of a healthy engine. The passenger window rolled down. “Need a lift, Wheaton?” Radisson said, winking.

Josh opened the door and sat on the plush leather seats. Radisson wrapped an arm around him as soon as the door was shut and the window rolled up. Josh leaned back into the touch as Radisson drove away. This is really happening, Josh thought, tensing a little. He looked over at his teacher, who was focused on the road in front of him, humming along to the car radio. It felt so...intimate, innocent almost. Radisson squeezed his shoulder.

“Do you like this kind of music? I can change it if you want.” Radisson asked. Josh hadn’t really listened, not that he could hear over the blood pounding in his ears. The oldies station. Josh smiled.

“Yeah, it’s good.” He rested his head against Radisson’s arm. “I would have pegged you for classical.”

“Well, I do love a good Bach, but that’s not my mood tonight.” Radisson pulled his arm back, resting it on the armrest. Josh reached out to hold his hand. Radisson tensed, just as Josh had, but allowed the touch.

“Are you nervous?” Josh asked.

“A little.” Radisson chuckled, “I can’t believe it, but yes I’m nervous. I mean, I’m taking a student back to my place so we can have sex in privacy, I can’t help but feel a little jittery.” Radisson glanced from the road to Josh. “We don’t have to have sex, either. We can watch a movie if you want, or talk. No one should EVER make you feel like you have an obligation to do sexual things for them, and this,” he gestured at the open space between his arm and Josh’s shoulder, “is no exception.”

Josh, possessed by a sudden boldness, picked up Radisson’s hand and kissed it. “If I want to stop, I’ll tell you. But right now, I’m ready for whatever you want.” Josh kissed Radisson’s hand again.

“Dangerous words, my friend.”

“As you’ve taught me this semester, there is rarely another kind.”

Radisson smiled at Josh, nodded and continued to drive.

#

Radisson led Josh out of the car by the hand after insisting on opening the door for him. Radisson’s house was lovely, Josh mused, big and grandiose and very, very Radisson. Radisson smirked in response to Josh’s open gaping. The man was so proud, Josh thought, wondering how many students had seen this place. Radisson fumbled with his keys before opening the door and leading them both over the threshold.

Josh didn’t have time to marvel at the interior before Radisson had him pinned against a wall, biting at Josh’s neck. Josh moaned and wrapped his arms around his professor, panting into his ear. Radisson growled and bit down hard, and Josh jumped and only clung tighter. “You have no idea what you do to me, Joshua,” Radisson groaned, “you’re too fucking sexy.”

“Please,” Josh panted, “please don’t curse.”

Radisson stopped, looked at Josh and laughed a hearty belly laugh. Josh looked sullenly at the floor. Great, he thought, even in intimacy Radisson can’t help but be a jerk.

Radisson tilted Josh’s head up, just as he had done at school. “I’m not laughing at you,” he promised, “I’m laughing because your moral code is so unshakable that even when you’re pressed against a wall with some random guy’s teeth on your neck you don’t want to hear swear words. It’s adorable. You’re so cute.”

Arousing? Josh let his mouth fall open in shock. “How is that ‘arousing’? It means I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m probably going to be awful at...well, anything we do.”

Radisson sighed. “Look, Joshua, I’m going to be upfront with you.”

“You’re never anything else.”

Radisson smirked. “True, true. But look. If you wouldn’t have said anything, I wouldn’t have known that you were a virgin. Good sex is about communication and trust, not just blindly giving into whatever urges flit through your head. Josh,” Radisson looked up at him, “you have to promise me you’ll let me know if you’re uncomfortable or overwhelmed. I want to make this good for you, but…”

“I trust you, professor,” Josh replied. Radisson shivered. “I’ll tell you.”

“Good.” Radisson cleared his throat. “Now get on the bed.” Josh crossed the room and laid down on the bed, Radisson following close behind and covering his body with his own. The weight of another man felt reassuring to Josh, though the erection pressed into his thigh made him dizzy. Radisson’s hands tangled in his hair as his mouth descended.

Josh eagerly returned the kiss, writhing against Radisson, desperate for more contact. Radisson stopped and leaned back, staring down at Josh with an approving stare. Josh returned the stare and slowly began to take his shirt off. Radisson groaned and quickly shed his blazer and button-up. Though Radisson was older, his body was still tight, his muscles still toned.

Radisson noticed the stare and smirked. “You think this is nice? I used to look like Hercules back in the day.” Josh laughed a little. “Awh come on,” Radisson chided. “One day I’ll show you a picture. But right now…” he trailed his hand over Josh’s abs, “You’re so perfect, Josh. How can you not see how gorgeous you are?”

Josh blushed. No one had ever said things like that to him, least of all someone he respected so much. But the look in Radisson’s eyes and this gentleness and kindness that Josh could tell were only reserved for people Radisson cared about, told Josh those words couldn’t be a lie. Emboldened, Josh reached down and guided Radisson’s hands to his belt. Radisson slowly undid the buckle, hands hovering over Josh’s obvious erection. He licked his lips and Josh moaned quietly. “Do you want to see the rest of me, professor?”

Radisson undid his jeans button and zipper, wasting no time in pulling Josh’s jeans down his thighs. Josh wiggled out of his pants and grabbed the waistband of his boxers himself, pulling them down before his nerves could return. Radisson’s eyes widened and he immediately grabbed Josh, stroking him from hilt to tip. Josh knew, at least from a research perspective, that he was reasonably endowed, but seeing someone react to his nakedness like that made his confidence skyrocket. Josh thrust up into the contact, his eyes never leaving Radisson’s. “Professor,” he moaned, pressure building quickly.

“Call me Jeffrey,” Radisson corrected, “please. I want to hear you say my name.”

“Jeffrey,” Josh whispered, relishing the shiver that went through Radi--Jeffrey’s body. “Jeffrey, please take your pants off. I want to see what I do to you.”

Radisson stopped his touches and Josh almost frowned at the cold hair suddenly hitting his dick, but he enjoyed the sight of Radisson undressing immensely. Radisson himself was well-endowed, and Josh found himself wondering how much that was going to hurt inside of him. Josh reached forward and tried to reciprocate, but Jeffrey stopped him.

“This is your first time,” the professor said, “it’s not about me, or what I want. It’s about what you want.”

“I don’t know what that is,” Josh admitted. “I don’t even know how two guys...make love.”

Jeffrey gently cupped his balls and Josh melted into the bed. “Then let me show you. I am your teacher, after all.” Jeffrey winked at Josh before moving down the bed and swallowing Josh’s cock in one fluid motion.

Josh almost screamed in pleasure, thrusting into Radisson’s mouth. He felt like he was burning, but he felt so good. Jeffrey’s tongue flicked over his slit and Josh saw stars. He wasn’t going to last long if even this felt like it was too much. “Stop,” he panted, “I’m not going to last.”

Jeffrey stopped, placing one last kiss on Josh’s dripping erection before crawling back on top of his student, grinding their arousals together. Josh dug his nails into Jeffrey’s back, anything to hold back the cresting tide of need.

“How much farther do you want to take this?” asked Radisson. Josh shook his head.

“I don’t know. When I thought about you, before I knew you would ever like me back, I didn’t imagine us going farther than kissing.”

“You fantasized about me?” Radisson asked, raising an eyebrow. Josh covered his face with his arm, turning away, but Radisson grabbed his elbow and pinned his arm to the bed. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I thought about you too.”

“Really?” Josh couldn’t believe his ears.

Jeffrey nodded. “I thought about doing what we did in the classroom today. I thought about blowing you, about licking your tight little hole, taking you down a peg...I try not to think about my students like that but you, Joshua, you’re such a firecracker. You make me lose control.”

“The feeling is mutual,” Josh kissed the side of Jeffrey’s mouth, “Jeffrey.”

“But I don’t want to be someone you regret.” Radisson’s mood switched. “I don’t want you to regret having your first sexual experience to be with an old atheist professor. You deserve better.”

“I don’t care about that,” Josh said, “I want you. I really like you. I won’t regret this.” Josh kissed Radisson deeply, reaching down to stroke his professor. Radisson gasped into his ear and Josh sped up, swirling precum around the tip with his thumb.

“Josh…” Jeffrey panted, “what do you want me to do? Chr---” Radisson corrected himself before continuing, “you make me feel like a teenager. I can’t hold back much longer…”

“Take me,” Josh moaned, “take my virginity. I want you inside me.”

Radisson rolled off of Josh and frantically started digging in his drawer, Josh sat up on his elbows, watching Jeffrey but at the same time staring off into the distance. Was he really ready for this? He shivered. Without Jeffrey next to him or on top of him he felt cold, unsure. Maybe he was rushing things.

Jeffrey cursed. Josh pretended he didn’t hear it. “I don’t have any lube,” he groaned, “and we really can’t do this without it. I refuse to hurt you.” Jeffrey flopped back on the bed beside his new lover. “I’m sorry, Josh.”

“It’s okay,” Josh reached out to lay a comforting hand on his professor’s shoulder.

“Maybe it’s better this way. You probably haven’t even explored back there, have you?” Josh blushed at the question. “That answers that.” Radisson climbed back on top, kissing Josh and running his hands through his hair. “We can work up to that.”

  
“Does that mean this isn’t a one-time thing?” asked Josh hopefully.

“Josh, you’ve captured my attention as no one has in a long time. Of course, I want to do this again.” Radisson kissed Josh deeply. “For some reason, I have a hot young guy with a killer body in my bed who wants me bad despite being a cranky old man. I’m not letting you go, Josh Wheaton. I’m a jealous man and I don’t share what’s mine.” Radisson ground into Josh with his last words before moving to attack his neck. Josh writhed and arched up, their erections rubbing together feeling like sparks running all the way through his body.

“I’m yours,” Josh panted, rutting against his professor’s cock. “I’m yours.” When Radisson paused Josh took the opportunity to mouth Radisson’s neck, determined to leave a hickey, proof that belonging went both ways. Radisson moaned and pinned Josh’s hips to the bed, grinding against Josh with long tantalizing motions. They were both slippery with precum and Josh knew he wasn’t going to last much longer.

Radisson bit his neck again and Josh whimpered, feeling his orgasm building. “I can’t last much longer Jeffrey, I need to cum, I need you…” Josh shut his eyes, chasing the sensation of being together with Radisson, but Radisson whispered in his ear.

“Open your eyes. I want to see you let go.” Josh’s eyes snapped open and he saw Jeffrey above him, a flush on his cheeks and his thin lips red and kiss-bitten. Radisson looked down at Josh with hunger, true, but also affection and trust. Radisson kissed him and Josh came, screaming Jeffrey’s name as he came. His lover shuddered and came shortly after, holding Josh down and rocking together with him through the aftershocks.

Josh panted, struggling to catch his breath. He knew he should feel dirty, used, regretful, but he didn’t. He felt, oddly enough, closer to God. He glanced at Radisson, who was gazing at him with a look of pure adoration. Yeah, Josh thought, at least this was with someone I care deeply about.  
  
Radisson kissed Josh’s nose before going to the bathroom. Josh openly appreciated the other man’s body as he walked away. Josh wondered how he got so lucky. Radisson returned with a washcloth, cleaning them both off. He put the washcloth on the nightstand and laid back down, petting Josh’s hair. He was smiling. Josh liked his smile.

“There must be a God,” Radisson said, “because there is absolutely no other way someone as amazing as you would sleep with me.”

“If I had known this is what it took to make you see God, I would have gone down on you after our first class.” Josh grinned. Radisson’s mouth fell open in shock before he grabbed a pillow and swatted his student with it.

“Don’t get your hopes up, Wheaton. I’m a stubborn man, I may need more convincing.” Radisson ruffled Josh’s hair, leaning forward to give him a chaste kiss.

Josh grabbed Radisson’s neck and turned it towards him, deepening the kiss. “I have all weekend free,” Josh whispered, “so maybe I can work on it.”

“Tempting as that is...?” Jeffrey looked into Josh’s eyes, frowning slightly. “We’ve been arguing for weeks, and I think you’re great, but I don’t know that much about you other than your religion, your major and your moral code. What would we even do all weekend? What do you even like to eat?”

“I’m pretty easy. I like pasta a lot, but I’ll eat pretty much anything. I’ve always wanted to try sushi, but I can’t find anyone to go with me.” Josh turned to Jeffrey, smiling softly. “I’m really good at cards. I’ve never been defeated in a game of crazy eights and only once at bridge. I like movies. I don’t really like most comedy movies, but I really like movies about history and adventure movies. Don’t tell anyone but I’ve seen every single Disney movie.”

“That’s so cute.” Jeffrey smiled at the ceiling. “I knew you’d be adorable. I do have Netflix, there’s got to be something on there we can watch. I have a deck of cards somewhere in the house. I’m not the biggest fan of sushi, but we can order some in.”

“I won’t make you order food you don’t like because I want to try it.”

Jeffrey reached out and grabbed Josh’s hand, finding it without having to look. “You are probably the nicest person I’ve ever met, but you don’t need to worry about me so much. I’m a grown adult, I don’t do things I don’t want to. I’m willing to try sushi again. I want to at least do that for you.”

“I’d like that.” Josh rolled over onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow to look at his new lover. Jeffrey’s face was flushed and dewy still, his usually perfectly combed hair a staticy brown mess and his eyes bright. Josh felt himself fill with happiness. “Maybe we can go to one of the stores I saw on the way. Get some supplies and stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Snacks maybe, some drinks. Lube, condoms. The usual stuff.” Josh decided to take a light shot at Radisson. “Unless you want to spend the rest of the weekend leaving room for Jesus.”

Radisson started to laugh, pulling Josh on top of him into a hug. “You’ll be the death of me,” Radisson laughed, “but if I’m going down I’m taking you with me.”

“As long as we’re together,” Josh smiled, “as long as we’re together.”

 


	2. It came with a warning, now we're all out of time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh and Radisson's quiet night in is interrupted by a knock at the door, which leads to awkward conversations, apologies, plausible deniability, and honesty. 
> 
> #MinaDeservedBetter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to continue this, but the support I've gotten (thank you, trash_fic_witch (makeup_goblin) senpai) and my sheer, sheer spite propelled me forward like an atomic whoopie cushion. The plot bunnies bit me with razor-sharp teeth. Do people still say plot bunnies? Did I just date myself?
> 
> Anyways. 
> 
> I decided to do something different with this chapter. I usually write angst or smut and I wanted to challenge myself with tooth-rotting fluff and humour. A happy bisexual couple, having a happy bisexual time. As a result, this chapter is mostly funny. Or at least, I tried to make it funny. I made myself laugh. I hope I manage to do the same for you. 
> 
> Do I have regrets yet? Hell no.

Onions sizzled on Jeffrey Radisson’s favourite pan, currently being used by his favourite person. Josh Wheaton briefly glanced up when Radisson gave him a hug from behind but remained concentrated on his task. Radisson tousled his hair and grabbed an apple, sitting across from Josh at the kitchen island. He had a newspaper in front of him but his mind wasn’t on the articles. Watching Josh from behind was more rewarding than movie reviews. Josh had elected not to put on pants after their lovemaking (everything short of actual penetration, of course, but Radisson wasn’t complaining) and was cooking dinner in his underwear and an apron. It was a good look, Radisson had to admit. 

Radisson could hardly believe that this...thing had been going on for three months. He had half expected Josh to run after their first tryst but Josh stuck around, texting him daily and leaving him cute notes tucked into his philosophy books. Josh insisted on being called his boyfriend and spent every weekend at the Radisson house, this weekend being no exception. Beyond sexual escapades, they went on dates, watched movies, and cooked dinner together. Radisson wasn’t looking forward to the semester being over and not being able to see Josh every day, but maybe now that he wasn’t in a position of power they could actually act like boyfriends in public...besides that, Radisson was planning to spoil Josh rotten for Christmas. Josh glanced back at Radisson and smiled. The hickeys covering his neck and shoulders were positively sinful. If Radisson wasn’t so hungry, he would have dragged him back upstairs. “Almost done the onions,” Josh said, “can you get the meatballs out of the fridge?”

“Sure thing angel.” Radisson retrieved the meatballs, placing them on the counter beside Josh and kissing him on the back of the neck. “When should we start the water for the spaghetti?”

“After the meatballs go on the skillet,” Josh leaned back into the kiss, “then I’ll put them in the oven to finish and we’ll start the water while they cook.”

“Looking forward to it,” Radisson patted Josh on the butt. Josh scoffed and waved him away with the spatula.

Radisson heard a knock at the door. At first, he thought it was the spatula hitting the bottom of the pan so he ignored it, but it came again, more insistent.  _ Odd _ , he thought,  _ I wasn’t expecting anybody, and none of my friends come over unannounced _ . He checked his phone but found no messages. 

“Were you expecting someone?” Josh stilled. “Should I go hide or something?”

“No,” Radisson glanced over at the door, “I’ll go answer it. One of my neighbours has kids in the scouts, maybe they’re selling cookies.”

“If they are, I want some tag-a-longs. Maybe some of those minty ones. If you don’t mind, of course,” Josh added quickly, looking away. Radisson smirked. His boyfriend was too adorable for words. 

“Don’t be embarrassed about wanting cookies, angel. I probably finance the whole troupe.” he stood, walking to the door and snagging his wallet from the messenger bag hanging from the coat rack. “I’ll be right back.”

“Tag-a-longs and minty cookies!” Josh called from the kitchen, before turning back to the meatballs. Radisson hated tag-a-longs, but if Josh wanted them, he would make do. Being a picky eater always used to annoy Mina, but Radisson saw nothing wrong with being particular about what went into his body. Josh, however, would eat anything that didn’t move fast enough. Maybe he’d just tell Josh they were out of tag-a-longs and get macaroons instead. 

Radisson opened the door, wallet out, eyes flicking down to greet his expected guest. To his surprise, it wasn’t the scouts. Mina, his ex-girlfriend, stood before him, plastic bag in one hand, the other still raised from knocking. 

_ I thought you had to speak of the devil for them to appear _ , he thought, heart immediately pounding in his chest,  _ not  _ _ think _ _ of them. If I were religious, this would be a damn good time to pray _ . He felt vaguely nauseous and wondered if it was written across his face. He took a deep breath. He needed to stay calm. _ Calm, _ he repeated, _ calm, or Josh is going to come over here in his underwear and that’s not something I want to deal with. _ That thought, unsurprisingly, did not help him calm down whatsoever. Radisson forced a neutral expression on his face, wondering how much time had passed and if his silence and surprise were now uncomfortable. 

“Hello Jeffrey,” she said evenly. 

“Mina,” Radisson sputtered, “what are you doing here?”  _ So much for calm, dipshit. Maybe if you’re lucky she’ll think you’re rude instead of suspicious.  _

“I found some of your things while I was cleaning.” She held the plastic grocery bag out, vague irritation edging into her voice. Something in it rattled. Radisson took it, dumbfounded. “I thought you’d want them back.”

“Uh, thanks.” Radisson glanced back to the kitchen. Josh was still cooking. Good, he didn’t need this to be more awkward than it was. “And you couldn’t have called first...why?”

“I was in the neighbourhood. My...my new boyfriend works nearby.” She admitted. “I’m picking him up after his shift and we’re going back to my place, and I wanted to get rid of your stuff before he came over. As for why I didn’t call, I may or may not have deleted your number.”

“Ah. Fair.” Radisson smiled a little. “I’m happy for you. You deserve happiness.”

“What, no quote from an Ancient Greek dead guy about how happiness and love are pointless?” Mina teased. “No Dawkins? No Hawking?”

He shrugged. “Ancient Greek philosophers believed that an angry bearded philanderer made them unhappy. Dawkins is a depressing guy. You’re in a good mood. I’m in a good mood. It’s a great day.” 

“You’re acting a little odd, Jeffrey. Are you feeling alright?” Mina asked, stepping forward.  _ Damn her kindness!  _ Radisson spread his arms in the doorway, trying to look like he was casually leaning against both sides of his doorframe because he wanted to seem nonchalant. He’d seen it work for The Fonz. Mina only looked more concerned. “Is everything okay?

_ I knew I couldn’t be as cool as The Fonz. Damn it damn it damn it  _ “Yeah,” Radisson laughed awkwardly, “I just haven’t cleaned my house in a few days. I didn’t want you to see how much of a pig I’ve become now that I’m a bachelor.”

Mina did not appear convinced, but she smiled anyway. “Men. I could never let my house get that bad.” 

“Men are animals, as Nietzche once wrote, what can I say?” Radisson squeaked. He heard the oven door creak open behind him. He didn’t dare look. It was too obvious. 

“Did you ever find my earrings?” Mina asked. “I was hoping to wear them to dinner.”

_ Shit shit shit shit shit. _ His thoughts raced.  _ Not good not good not good. I’m 90% sure they’re in the bedroom, which has Josh’s overnight bag in it, his clothes everywhere, and I left the lube on the dresser...I have to get her out of here! I may be a horny old pervert, but I’m not taking Joshua down with me!  _ He shook his head. “No, I’ll look again tomorrow. It’s so good to see you, Mina, really, but I’m kind of busy right now, supper’s almost ready, masterpiece theatre is starting soon, so I’ll text you when I find them. You know what, I’ll email you. Goodnight,” Jeffrey tried to hurry his ex off the porch, but this only made her more suspicious. 

“Okay, now you’re acting crazy. I’ve never heard you ramble so much, not even when you talk in your sleep. Are you drunk?” Mina raised an eyebrow. “You can just admit to me you’re drunk, Jeffrey. I won’t judge you.”

“No,” Radisson ground out, irritation rising, “I’m just very busy.”

“Do you have someone else in there with you?” Mina asked. “I can smell whatever’s cooking. And now that I think about it, I hear someone scraping the pan with the spatula. Whoever it is, it smells like they’re a good cook.”

“Is it really your business?” Radisson snapped, crossed his arms. Mina looked a little hurt at his bluntness.  _ Well...great. Just perfect. Now I made her sad. _ He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry for my tone.” Radisson debated lying to Mina, telling her he’d just woken up from a nap or something, but what was the point? It wasn’t fair to her to lie, and it definitely wasn’t fair to Josh. He wasn’t a dirty little secret. “I just really wish you’d have texted first because I do have someone with me and we were just in the middle of cooking supper. This is really, really awkward for me.”

Mina nodded, joy returning to her face. “Apology accepted. I’m not upset that you moved on, Jeffrey. I wouldn’t be upset about that. I did, and we’re both adults. I was just curious since you were trying to shoo me out the door so quickly. I’ve never known you to miss a chance to talk someone’s ear off.”

“Guilty as charged. I just don’t want to be rude to my boyfr---date.” Radisson said, trying to smile.  _ Nice save, Jeff. You’re so smooth _ . His jaw tightened. His attempt at a friendly impression probably seemed more like a grimace. But Mina was digging her keys out of her purse, so he decided to count it as a win.  _ At least Josh knows that you like to talk to the scouts,  _ he told himself.  _ He won’t be worried. Probably. God, I hope... _

“Darling,” Josh called from the kitchen, “did you pay already? I changed my mind, I want the lemon ones instead of the mint ones.”

_ Of course, _ Radisson thought, noting that the F-bomb he’d usually drop just wasn’t coming. Josh was rubbing off on him, it seemed, in more ways than one. “It’s not the scouts, angel,” he called back, turning as red as a tomato, “I’ll be right there!” He tried to will Josh to go back to cooking and just stop talking. Mina’s expression was unreadable. 

However, willing Josh to do anything was freaking impossible, he realized. “Who is it? Did Mrs. Nesbitt lose her dog again?” Josh called back. 

“Oh, God.” Radisson looked at the sky. If there was a God, and that was debatable but not impossible, He was not making this easy. If there was a bearded man in the sky, he really,  _ really _ didn’t like Jeffrey Radisson. God may not be dead, but Radisson wanted to die. “Don’t worry about it!” He squeaked.

“Is that a man?” Mina asked, barely restraining the urge to look around him into the house. She tried to glance over his shoulder and Radisson met her gaze with a glare. She backed off, chortling to herself. “He sounds pretty young. Oh Jeffrey,” she playfully slapped his arm, “you dog.”

“That’s me,” Radisson wheezed. For some reason, he couldn’t force air out. “A real dog.” He took a breath. Paused.  _ Wait a second… _ “...you’re not surprised? And you’re okay with it?” Jeffrey realised he couldn’t hear the spatula on the skillet anymore. Maybe the meatballs were finished. Maybe his oven was on fire. He could only hope. 

“One of your...inebriated friends told me about your ex-boyfriend from college last November, so yes, this is not a surprise. I know why you didn’t tell me, though I’m a little insulted, honestly. Not all Christians have a problem with homosexuality. Or bisexuality. Or anything like that. I love Jesus, and I don’t think he teaches hate.” Mina frowned. “Have I ever said anything that suggested I felt that way?”

Jeffrey glanced into the kitchen. Josh was gone.  _ Oh, Goddamnit _ , he thought. P _ lease let him be putting on pants. And a turtleneck. Something thick and bulky. _ “Sorry, Mina. I automatically assume those things about Christians, and that’s not fair. I know you’re not that kind of person.” Footsteps were making their way to the door. Jeffrey froze. 

“How long have you been…” Mina started. 

“I haven’t seen Pookie, Mrs. Nesbitt, but I’ll double-check the yard…” Josh stopped at the door, looking from Radisson to Mina. If there was ever a time to be struck by lightning for blasphemy, it was now. Josh had put on a shirt and pants, Radisson observed, thanking every deity he could think of, but then resumed his previously scheduled panic when he realized they were both his. He then noted, with absolute horror, that the love bites from their earlier activities were still plainly visible on Josh’s neck and shoulders. He wanted to shut the door and hide in the bathroom until she left. Maybe he could pull Josh in there with him, he had a big countertop...

Josh didn’t miss a beat. “I’m so sorry, I thought you were Jeffrey’s neighbour. She tends to lose her dog a lot. I’m Josh, it’s very nice to meet you.” He held out his hand, the perfect gentleman. 

Mina’s eyes immediately went to Josh’s shoulders, exposed in Radisson's too-big shirt, but she didn’t comment on it. She simply shook the offered hand. “Likewise, Josh. I’m Mina.”

Recognition sparked in Josh’s eyes. “Oh yeah, Jeffrey’s previous girlfriend. I...oh dear. I hope this isn’t too awkward for you.”

“No, not at all,” Mina said evenly. Radisson wasn’t sure if she meant it. 

“How’s your mother?” Josh asked, concern on his face. Mina’s eyes widened. Radisson’s eyes widened. Josh started backtracking. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be forward but Jeffrey mentioned it to me after I found a couple of brochures for assisted living under the couch. I’ve been praying for her since he told me about it. I’m so moved by what your family is going through.”

Mina took a moment to collect herself. “She’s doing well, all things considered. My brother has finally been visiting her and I think it’s really helping. Thank you for your prayers.”

“Of course,” Josh smiled, “I don’t mind. Jeffrey may have his reservations, but I believe that through God all things are possible.”

“Maybe you should ask God to find her earrings,” Radisson added. Mina gave him  _ the _ look, the one she saved for when she was fed up with his sarcasm. It seemed her threshold was lower for that since they’d separated. 

“The gold leaf ones? I saw them earlier today.” Josh’s face pursed in thought. “They’re under the dresser, pretty sure. Do you want me to go get them?”

“If you wouldn’t mind.” Mina grinned widely, “I really like them. They’re the only earrings I have that go with one of my tops.”

“I know that feeling. I have a tie like that. I’ll be right back.” Josh pecked Radisson on the cheek and disappeared upstairs. Though the gesture was innocent, Radisson still felt a little indecent and a great deal embarrassed. He was pretty sure his face had passed tomato and was now the colour of a firetruck. 

Mina fixed Radisson with a stare he didn’t quite recognise. For a few moments, neither spoke. “That young man is a treasure.” She stated. 

“He really is.” Radisson let out an audible sigh of relief. Of course, she liked Josh. Most people did. Even when he was screaming at him about philosophy and threatening his future,  _ he _ still liked Josh. Radisson felt deep and sudden regret. He really didn’t deserve Josh, not after the way he treated him. He had never really deserved Mina, either. Even if Sky Daddy liked to humiliate him, He was still putting these incredible people in his path. He shook his head. Not relevant. 

“Is he...is he one of your students?” 

_ ….shit. _ “Uh…”

“You know what, I really don’t want to know.” Mina cringed. “Plausible deniability. He's over 18, right? At least?"

"Jesus Christ, of course, he is. I'm not a priest, I'm not into kids."

Mina paused, rolled her eyes, and continued. " I can see why you probably broke one of the only rules you gave yourself for him. So know this. If you hurt Josh,  I will make you suffer.” Mina’s eyes narrowed. “I really like him.”

“So do I. And if I did hurt him, I’d have earned everything I get.” Radisson shifted, somehow even more uncomfortable. His soul hurt. Being this vulnerable was new.  _ What did you do to me, angel?   _ “I’d never forgive myself if I hurt him. He’s smart and kind, and silly, and honest, and...I think I love him.” Radisson whispered, finally admitting the truth to himself. “It hasn’t been long, but I adore him. I’m so happy. I hope he is too because I don’t deserve him. I didn’t deserve you, either.” He looked at the ground. “I’m so, so sorry, Mina. I wasn’t a good boyfriend. I regret causing you pain. I regret it all the time.”

Radisson looked up. Mina wiped her eyes. “It means a lot to hear you say that. I’ve already forgiven you, and I’m glad to see you happy. Especially with a hot young guy. Hickeys, Jeffrey, really? How old are you?”

“He didn’t complain,” Radisson shot back, smirking as he did in his classroom, “I’ll have you know.”

Josh thundered down the stairs, nearly tripping over Radisson’s slightly too long pant legs. “Got them!” He made it to the door and held them out. “Here you go. I’d miss those too if I lost them.” 

Mina slipped them into her purse. “Thank you so much, Josh. You’re a gem.” She looked from Josh to Radisson, who slipped his arm around his boyfriend. She smiled. “You two look so happy together. I won’t keep you, you should go enjoy your supper.” 

“Thanks, Mina.” Radisson tugged Josh closer to him, “we will.”  

She turned and walked off the porch, waving at the two over her shoulder. Radisson felt himself start to go boneless, body feeling too loose after holding so much tension. He pushed Josh back into the house so he could collapse against his own wall rather than on the porch. As soon as the door shut he pulled Josh into a hug, leaning on him. It was much better than the wall. Josh patted his back, giving his butt a small squeeze before separating. 

“She seems really nice,” Josh said, going back to the kitchen and turning the stove back on to start the pasta water. Radisson followed, taking up his previous perch. The view, with pants, wasn’t as good, but his boyfriend looked too cute in his clothes. He stood up. He wasn’t going to let Josh cook everything. He needed more vegetables. He grabbed whatever he could find in the fridge, pulling out a cutting board and getting to work. 

“She is,” Radisson said. “She’s got a new boyfriend and she needed to get rid of my stuff before he came over. We had a good talk.”

Josh stepped back from the stove, sitting on the counter beside Radisson. He stared at his professor-turned-lover, expression unreadable. Radisson kept cutting the vegetables, ignoring Josh’s questioning gaze. “Why haven’t you told me?” he finally asked. 

Radisson put down his knife. “Told you what? I don’t keep anything from you, you know that.”

“I heard you when I was coming down the stairs. You told Mina that you think you love me.” Josh scooched closer. “Why haven’t you...if you feel that way, why is this how I’m finding out about it?”

Radisson’s shoulders dropped. He pushed the cutting board away, turning and hopping onto the counter beside Josh. He held out his hand, waiting for his boyfriend to take it. Josh did, without hesitation. Radisson ran his thumb over Josh’s knuckles, rubbed circles on his palm. He stared at the floor. “I don’t know how to say this.”

“Please try.” 

“I’m so happy. I’m almost deliriously happy, sometimes. It’s not a feeling I’m used to. I want things to be simple. I want our feelings for each other to be the only thing that matters. But that’s not how it is.”

“Why can’t it be?” Josh earnestly asked, gently moving Radisson’s chin towards him so he could look his boyfriend in the eyes.

“We have a dynamic. It’s unavoidable and unintentional, but it’s still there. I’m...for God’s sake, Josh, I’m your professor! I’m older, and I’m in a position of power over you. I treat you as my equal, and you are, but society does not see it that way.”

“You’re only my professor for another few weeks,” Josh offered, “and I’ll make sure I never take another class from you. We can be partners. Openly. We can prove society wrong.”

Radisson squeezed Josh’s hand. “I know. I wish it was that simple. But it’s not just society. It’s me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I feel like...I worry that I put pressure on you. I worry that you feel like you’re expected to please me, and do what I want, because of our power difference. I worry that we’re moving too fast. So even though...I didn’t want to tell you because you haven’t told me. And because you haven’t, I didn’t want you to feel pressured to return my feelings.” Radisson finished, leaning forward, resting his forehead on Josh’s. “Does that all make sense?”

“Yeah, it does.” Josh chuckled a bit. “You want to know something funny? I haven’t told you yet because you hadn’t said it, and I didn’t want to seem immature and clingy.”

Radisson backed away, slightly, his grip on Josh’s hand unconsciously tightening. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying…” Josh took a deep breath and licked his dry lips. “I love you, Jeffrey Radisson. Even when you’re sarcastic, even when you’re grumpy, and even when we disagree. I love you so much it hurts a little. Is that weird?”

“No,” Radisson leaned forward, pressing his mouth against Josh’s, “no, it’s not.” He kissed the corners of Josh’s mouth before planting a chaste kiss on Josh’s closed mouth. Josh grabbed Jeffrey’s neck and pulled him in, opening his mouth and licking Radisson’s lips. Radisson gasped and Josh slid his tongue in, caressing Radisson’s tongue with his. Radisson nearly fell off the counter. He tugged at Josh’s hair, deepening their kiss. Josh pulled back, panting, cheeks pink and lips pinker. 

“Don’t you have something to tell me?” He asked, stroking Radisson’s neck, right where his shirt met his back. 

Radisson pulled Josh onto his lap, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. “I love you, Joshua Wheaton. I love you so much it scares me. I love you so much it aches in my soul.”

Josh nuzzled into his neck. “Mmm,” he groaned, “you’re a sap.”

“And your meatballs are burning.” 

“What!?” Josh leapt off him, scrambling over to the oven. It wasn’t smoking, thank God, but the little spheres of pork were slightly charred. He blew on them, scanning the kitchen for a potholder. Radisson pulled one out of a nearby drawer, hopped down, and set it beside the oven. Josh set the pan down and opened the lid of the pasta water, steam escaping into the air. Radisson laughed. “What’s so funny? You have to eat these too.” Josh poured the spaghetti into the pot, narrowly dodging a splash of boiling water.

“Nothing,” Radisson finally pulled Josh to his chest, burying his face in his boyfriend’s soft dark hair. Everything felt right with the world. “Nothing at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, no regrets yet. Brush your teeth, kids. Mind the cavities. 
> 
> No, I could not resist a shot at the Catholic church. Play creep games, win creep prizes. 
> 
> Mina deserved better. Everyone in that movie deserved better. I dream of a world where everyone is happy and a good person. Let me have good Sorbo. Real Sorbo is awful. 
> 
> I also wanted to address some of the concerns that come with dating someone older. I don't see a lot of fics outside of the "dead dove, do not eat" tag do it, and while I didn't want to go into detail...it has to be addressed. 
> 
> So...there was originally going to be smut in this chapter. However, I have XX chromosomes and no prostate, and I realised that I needed to do a lot of research to responsibly present safe, sane, first-time buttsex. So that will come. Soon. No pun intended. 
> 
> Cooking without clothes on is not a safe thing to do. 
> 
> Remember to hug your local atheist.


	3. Sit back, Relax, Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It finally happens, in a way that's probably going to be very surprising.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what
> 
> I still regret nothing

Josh was reminded, in his current situation, of his first time on a rollercoaster. It had been at the state fair. He was 10, tall for his age, determined to go on the adult rides. His parents had warned him about how they went faster than the kiddy ones, how they were higher up, how they were all sharp turns and loop-de-loops, but Josh had his mind made up. He was going on that ride. He prayed the whole time he was in line waiting to get on, but he’d been so dizzy and so anxious and so excited that he’d almost thrown up before he got in the rickety metal seat. 

Lying on his back on Jeffrey Radisson’s bed, listening to his boyfriend fumble with the plastic wrap around the lid of their new tube of desensitizing lube, was almost an identical feeling. His stomach had been in knots all day, and he was pretty sure that he’d barf if he sat up too fast. They’d been planning this day for a few weeks. It was the last day of the fall semester, the last day Radisson would formally be Josh’s professor. It seemed...appropriate that they’d mark the day with something special. They’d been working up to it, gradually, and now Josh was sure his body was ready to have penetrative sex for the first time. He had been pretty sure his mind was into it, but his ever-rising panic had him wondering otherwise. 

Radisson noticed, reaching over and running his finger over Josh’s faint abs. “You look like you’re going to pass out.”

Josh tried to say “I’m fine” but it came out as “Mmph”. 

Radisson put the tube back on the nightstand. “We don’t have to do this. Actually, no. If you’re not ready, we’re definitely not doing this.”

“I know, I know.” Josh tried to take a deep breath. He shook a little. The air in the bedroom was cold on the tops of his thighs, still a little wet from after he’d finished cleaning himself out.  “I’m ready.”

“You don’t sound ready.” Jeffrey laid down next to him, petting his hair. Josh noted that his partner’s erection was entirely gone. He felt...disappointment. In himself, mostly. 

“I am, I really am. I’m just nervous.” Josh smiled a little. “It’s finally happening. All the nagging by the youth pastors about waiting, all the talk about how it’s going to be so great and so special....and it’s finally here. And it’s going to be special. I’m so excited, but I’m so nervous. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“That’s why we’ve been leading up to it, right?” Jeffrey walked his fingers up Josh’s chest, starting at his belly button and ending at his collarbone. “We know you have a really sensitive a--” Josh glared at Jeffrey, sensing the curse word coming, “butt. You have a sensitive butt. You liked rimming and fingering. The only difference is that…” Jeffrey paused. “This will probably hurt more. But fingering hurt when we started, and you got used to it.”

“Yeah, but...your...thing is bigger than your fingers. By a lot. What if I can’t relax? What if you can’t get it in?” Josh said, many,  _ many _ worst-case scenarios popping into his mind. “I want this so bad, why can’t I do it?”

Jeffrey kissed Josh’s neck. “Christian propaganda.”

“That’s your answer for everything.”

“You know I’m right.”

Josh buried his face in his hands. “Not the time, darling. Really not the time.”

“You’re right angel. I’m sorry.” Jeffrey rubbed his chest now, just grazing his partner’s nipples. Josh flinched. Jeffrey sighed. “We can just watch a movie and cuddle.”

“That wouldn’t be fair,” Josh said, “since you’ve been waiting for it too.”

“One, that’s not true, and two, it’s not fair to try to stick something in you when you’re anxious either.” 

_ He’s always so blunt _ , Josh thought, _ even when we’re in bed. Euphemisms exist for a reason, Jeffrey!  _ “I’m not anxious!” His voice cracked, disproving his point entirely. “I don’t want to let you down, I don’t want to let myself down, and the internet says it’s probably going to hurt.” Everything was warning him, just like the rollercoaster. The internet warned him (both his own research and accidentally seeing someone else watching it). His church...no, he really didn’t need to think about their opinions on what he was about to do, because it was irrelevant. Heck, Jeffrey had even warned him about some of the risks. Josh still wanted to do it. He just didn’t want to throw up afterwards, proving everyone right. 

“I’ll still love you after,” Jeffrey reassured him, pulling one of Josh’s clenched hands up to kiss. “The fact that I’ve seen you naked is more than enough for me. Because damn,” Jeffrey gave Josh a quick once over, “you test my self-restraint. Spilling water on your white shirt today was intentional, wasn’t it?” 

Josh blushed. “I could say the same for you. Those tight pants you were wearing in class today? I think you wore them just to torment me. I wanted to get on my knees and peel them off.” 

“Oh, they were definitely there to torment you. I could go back to yelling at you and being a sarcastic ass if that’s the kind of torment you’d prefer…”

Josh flicked Radisson on the nose. “I knew it. And please don’t go back to the yelling part. I like you better when you’re not snarling at me and raving about scientists. I like you better when you’re screaming my name.”

Radisson laughed, a deep belly laugh, nearly knocking Josh off his chest. “You’re getting so much better at dirty banter. It shouldn’t be funny, but I remember when you couldn’t even say ‘cock’ without blushing.”

“Yeah, well, college is about new experiences.” Josh flopped back onto the bed. The softness below him was reassuring. “I wanted this to be one of them.”

“If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.” Jeffrey laid down beside him, rolling over to pull Josh into an embrace. Josh tried to smile as his boyfriend pressed open-mouthed kisses to his neck. Jeffrey paused in his ministrations for a moment. “I have an idea.”

“Yeah?” 

“I can bottom.” Jeffrey cleared his throat. 

Josh turned over. “What?”

“I’ve done it before, I know what to expect, and I can walk you through it.” The look on Jeffrey’s face told Josh the gears were turning in his head, and he gradually got more and more excited. His bright blue-grey eyes darted from Josh’s gradually reddening face to his dick and back up. “This’ll work. Yeah, this is perfect.”

“But I thought I was…”   


“You just assumed you’d always be the bottom?” Jeffrey raised an eyebrow. 

“Well...yeah,” Josh admitted, looking away. “That’s why we did all the prep stuff before, right? And in the...videos,” Josh said, very quietly, “the younger partner always bottoms.” A smirk crossed Jeffrey’s face. “What?!” demanded Josh. 

“You’ve watched...videos?”

“I saw someone watching one in the library at night once. In their videos, there were a bunch of really young guys bottoming and older guys talking about topping so I just kind of thought that was normal?”

“How long were you watching that weirdo?”

“Uh…” Josh’s cheeks felt like they were on fire, and were probably redder than they’d ever been.

Jeffrey facepalmed. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just tell me you honestly think any of that was real. For whatever reason, that’s the norm in that industry because it’s what their customers seem to want. Reality is much, much different. Anyone can top, anyone can bottom.”

“Oh thank gosh,” Josh let out a small sigh of relief, “because it wasn’t arousing at all. The whole thing looked painful. And gross.”

“No wonder you were so tense, love. Come here.” Jeffrey opened his arms and Josh crawled into them. What he thought was going to be a sweet cuddle turned spicy when their positions were flipped and Josh found himself pinned to the bed. He wriggled, attempting to free himself. Their erections brushed and a spike of pleasure coursed through his body. His lover bent down and bit at his ear, moving down to mouth at his neck. The weight covering him was reassuring and Josh found himself unconsciously moving his legs to wrap around Jeffrey’s hips. 

“Not so fast, angel.” Jeffrey pushed his ankles down. “What do you want?”

“You?”

“Cute.” Jeffrey smiled as Josh nuzzled his neck. “But how do you feel about topping? You can probably tell how I feel about it, but I want to know what you think.”

“What if I hurt you?” Josh asked quietly. 

“You won’t. I trust you.” Jeffrey pushed himself up onto his elbows, looking down into Josh’s eyes. His lips curled into a smirk. “Look, I don’t care how it happens, I’ll follow your lead. I just want to get laid.”

Josh swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Okay.” 

“Excellent.” Jeffrey got up, stretching, giving Josh an eyeful of his ageing but toned body. “I’m going to go clean up. Be right back.”

Josh nodded, somehow feeling more nervous than when he thought he was going to be penetrated. It was like the roller coaster was making another loop, building up speed before sending him upsidedown at impossible speeds. True, he’d always assumed he’d do this (at some point) but with a woman. What if he didn’t use enough lube and his partner tore? What if he went too hard and fast and hurt him? What if he was really, really bad at it and didn’t hit the prostrate at all, leaving Jeffrey unsatisfied? 

But, the little voice in his head said, Jeffrey trusted him not to do any of that. He had way more experience and if he thought that they could do this, it wouldn’t be so bad. Plus, it would be very, very satisfying to be the one reducing his partner to a panting, mewling mess for a change.

Jeffrey reentered the room, smiling lovingly at Josh. Josh returned his grin. He loved this man. This was going to be great. 

“You ready, angel?” Jeffrey asked, climbing onto the bed next to him. 

Josh nodded, grabbing Jeffrey by the neck and forcefully pulling him down, biting at his lips. “The real question is, darling, are you?”

Jeffrey’s smile turned wicked. “Hell yes.”

“Cursing already? I’m going to have to punish you for that.” Josh bit down on Jeffrey’s neck, relishing in his partner’s surprised shout of pleasure. 

#

The cursing didn’t stop, not when Josh was preparing his lover, using enough lube to leave a stain on Jeffrey’s nice sheets. Josh was starting to slip a little bit in the mess beneath him, but he remained focused on his task, gently scissoring until Jeffrey was ready for a third finger. He wished that he’d started this with his lover facing him, but he had read that having the receptive partner lay down (expecting the receptive partner to be him) with a pillow under their hips would provide the least pain during the process. Judging by the little breathless sounds Jeffrey was making, he’d have to flip him over when it was time for the main event. He wanted to see, hear and feel everything. 

When he slid the third one in, Jeffrey’s breath hitched and he groaned. “Oh my god,” he panted, “oh my god.”

“Taking the lord’s name in vain already?” Josh grinned, leaning down to kiss his partner between the shoulders. 

“It’s been a while, okay?” Jeffrey countered. 

Josh stilled. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you need me to…”

“If you stop now I’ll kick you out of my house without pants on,” Jeffrey said quickly, pushing his butt back against Josh’s hand. “Haven’t you noticed me rutting against this pillow the whole time?”

“I was a little distracted by the noises you were making,” Josh admitted. 

Jeffrey laughed. “You’re too sweet, angel. No, I’m enjoying this. It’s a good stretch. It feels so freaking good. Keep going. Just like that.”

“Okay.” Josh nodded, resuming the process of stretching his partner. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this up himself. He was slowly losing his patience. The tightness around his fingers was sucking him in, impossibly warm and wet. He could feel the muscles starting to get looser, signalling that they were both getting ready for what was to come. 

“I can’t take much more,” Jeffrey panted. “I need you in me. I forgot how good this feels.”

Josh withdrew his fingers a little too quickly, earning a wince from the man beneath him. He pet the small of Jeffrey’s back reassuringly. “Where are the condoms?”

“Same place as the lube.” Jeffrey reached over and opened the drawer, snagging one of the necessary items, tossing it to Josh. “Do you need help putting it on?”

Josh shook his head, but then realized that Jeffrey couldn’t see him. “No, I’m okay. You can watch it if you want. Make sure I’m doing it right.”

“Amen to that.” Jeffrey turned over quickly, staring up at his young lover. He looked like a mess. His hair was a mussed, staticy disaster, his neck was covered in bite marks, his lips were red and shiny and his eyes were blown wide. Josh gulped and opened the package, hovering the plastic over his cock. He slowly rolled the device down. He initially wanted to watch his partner’s reaction, but he was more focused on getting the thing on without tearing it. His own grip on the base of his shaft felt nice and the plastic over his sensitive skin felt weird, but not necessarily bad. The strangled noises from his partner definitely spurred him forward. 

Once the condom was on, he looked up, biting his lip. Jeffrey started to roll over, but Josh stopped him with a hand on his ankle. “No. I want to see your face.” 

Jeffrey reluctantly rolled onto his back, making sure his hips were positioned correctly on the pillow. Josh shuffled forward, grabbing his lover’s legs, pulling them up as far as they would comfortably go. Jeffrey hooked his ankles around Josh’s back. Josh lined his cock with Jeffrey’s entrance, taking a deep breath before pushing in. 

The first thing he noticed was warmth as he pushed through the first ring of muscle. The second was the tight squeeze around his length as he bottomed out, sucking in a deep breath. Josh’s knees started to shake from the sheer pleasure he felt, and he slumped just a little forward. 

He looked down at his lover’s face, seeing him in much the same state. Jeffrey’s eyes weren’t shut in pain like he’d feared, but rather in pleasure, his mouth falling open as he adjusted to the feeling of fullness. His eyes opened when he noticed that Josh had stilled, reaching up a hand and pulling him down into a kiss. “You’re incredible,” he whispered into Josh’s ear, “just incredible.”

“You feel so good,” Josh said, gasping when Jeffrey purposefully clenched his muscles. “I want to move. Can I move?”

Jeffrey nodded, grinning. “Wreck me, angel.”

Well, he did ask nicely. 

Josh pushed himself up, grabbed his lover’s hips, and started to thrust. If the initial push had been amazing, the feeling of moving in and out of his partner’s body was Earth-shattering. The way Jeffrey’s passage clung to him as he pulled out, relaxing just as he was almost out, before clinging again as he pushed back in made him see stars. He rocked gently, trying to find the prostate before he started pounding in earnest. 

Jeffrey looked like he was enjoying himself, but his erection was starting to flag. “I thought I told you to wreck me,” he teased, before releasing a surprisingly high pitched moan.

“Found it,” Josh sing-songed, canting his hips hard, pressing into the spot again. 

“Holy shit,” Jeffrey panted, “holy shit.”

Josh couldn’t find it in him to be annoyed by the swearing. The tightness around his cock, the slide in and out, was making it hard to breathe. The look on Jeffrey’s face as he hit his prostate with thrust after thrust didn’t help. The man’s eyes were rolling to the back of his head, his hands clenching in the sheets, cock bobbing freely between them. His head was hitting the headboard with every thrust but it appeared that the professor didn’t seem to care, gasping, moaning and clenching as he lost himself in pleasure. Josh felt dizzy in the best way possible, slamming himself in and out of his lover, the bed creaking as he sped up. It was all too much. “Jeffrey,” he moaned, gripping his partner’s hips hard enough to leave bruises. “I’m not going to last. Gosh, I love you. I love this. I can’t hold back.”

“Then don’t,” Jeffrey said, his voice raspy. “Let go. Lose control.”

Josh’s hips sped up before one well-timed clench brought him over the edge. He practically screamed as he came, the white-hot pleasure making him see stars. He closed his eyes as his orgasm ripped through him, leaving him breathless and panting. He wanted to stay inside his lover forever. It was so soft and warm, so wet and tight, but he was starting to get over-sensitive and soft. He slowly caught his breath and pulled out. 

Jeffrey was still hard. This made Josh a little sad, given how much he thought his partner had enjoyed himself, and Jeffrey noticed his frown. “You did great, angel. I’m just not as sensitive as you are there.” 

“But you are here,” Josh said, leaning forward to take his lover’s cock into his mouth. 

Jeffrey’s hands snagged his hair, holding him down on his dick, Josh sucking as hard as he could and moving his tongue around the head. It didn’t take very long for Jeffrey to cum, Josh eagerly swallowing every drop as his lover’s hips drove his cock further and further into his mouth. 

He pulled off gradually, giving the tip a kitten lock before sitting back, wiping white fluid from the corners of his mouth. Jeffrey finally looked utterly wrecked. Josh scooted up the bed, flopping beside his partner, nuzzling into his neck and wrapping his arm around him. 

“You’re going to be the death of me.” Jeffrey rolled over to give Josh a kiss to the forehead. “But I’m going to die happy.”

Josh had thought he’d feel different after losing his virginity, but he mostly felt tired. His bones felt heavy and he felt impossibly warm. His stomach had finally settled. He felt wobbly like he’d just gotten off the rollercoaster, but also light-headed and full of adrenaline, proud he’d managed to brave this challenge. It was also extremely fun. 

“I’m glad we did this,” Josh said, both to himself and Jeffrey. “I love you.”

“I love you too, angel. I love you too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Choo-choo, the train's coming to the station, passengers are getting off, we've finally reached the end of this trip...
> 
> What a ride, y'all. What a ride. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the role-reversal. I initially wrote this chapter expecting dear little Josh to be the bottom, but I was so stuck for a long-ass time and then I was watching a Kevin Sorbo interview, thought "fuck that guy", and immediately had an idea. And lo, the fic was completed, and good times were had by all. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented and given their support for this silly little pet project, especially dearest senpai trash_fic_witch (makeup_goblin) for commenting on every chapter and being just an awesome friend. I snuck in a reference to your wonderful fic in here as a tribute. I'd also like to thank Pureflix, because this was great practice for writing smut. Fantastic practice. Thank you for sucking so hard that I had to do this. Much love. 
> 
> In all seriousness, I hope you enjoyed this trainwreck of a fic. I had a ball writing it, and I hope I managed to bring someone a little bit of joy. It can get hard, being a queer person, constantly told by religious people that you're probably going to hell, and this started as a way to take some power back. I hope that maybe this brought someone some sick, sick glee. 
> 
> Apologies to Shane Harper. You probably don't deserve this. But fuck Sorbo. I hope you read this fic and email me. I'd love to discuss it with you. ;)

**Author's Note:**

> ....I still regret nothing. If this is how everyone offered the love of g*d, I think there'd be more Christians. 
> 
> This fic was originally anonymous, and then I realized that a) most of this movie's audience isn't reading fanfiction and b) if I can't proudly admit to writing something, I shouldn't be writing it. I'm sorry, Mom, but Pure Flix made me do it. 
> 
> Even in my smut fics, I have to have healthy lovemaking and a little sex-ed. Frack. 
> 
> I'm surprised there aren't more fics for this pairing because this movie had more homoerotic subtext than Brokeback Mountain. As I said, I enjoyed trash_fic_witch (makeup_goblin)'s fic so much I was brave enough to write my own. 
> 
> God's Not Dead did Radisson so dirty. Celebrating when someone gets hit by a car and dies? How is that Christian? Da fuq? Josh not forgiving him in the third movie? Fuck that. Some Christian he is. No wonder he's in the villain wiki (https://villains.fandom.com/wiki/Josh_Wheaton). Now they fucking. You're welcome, world. 
> 
> I've pretty much had it up to here with the Christian hypocrisy regarding homosexuality and blatant propaganda and I thought hey, what better act of resistance than taking this ridiculous movie and writing smutty smutty smut about it. I'm also just a pervert, apparently. I was raised Catholic so I know a whole lot about barely repressed bisexual sexual frustration. Though the church has hurt me, I still have my spirituality and I at least wanted to respect the faith because there's a lot of good people working for change within the religion. 
> 
> It should be noted that I don't have a penis and I tried my best, damn it.
> 
> My Tumblr: https://inkyblacc.tumblr.com/


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